Falling In Love With Myself - Navigating My Twenties
Hello to those of you who don’t know me! My name is Becca and I run NavigatingMyTwenties a blog about my experiences as a twenty-something. I focus mainly on Love, Mental Health and Career and I hope that by sharing my stories I can help other people to feel less alone.
Valentines Day Blues
It’s February, the month of love. As much of a hopeless romantic as I am, I don’t celebrate on February the 14th because in my 24 years on the planet, I’ve never had a Valentine. Each year it gets easier to accept and now, I feel at peace with the fact that I’ve never experienced true love, because I have decided to love myself instead.
I distinctly remember one Valentine’s Day aged 9 years old, coming home from primary school and crying at the dinner table because my best friends had all received Valentines cards and I hadn’t. It was embarrassing and for the first time, I felt the pain that unfortunately I have become very accustomed to: not feeling good enough. I don’t know when the part of the brain that recognises social acceptance develops, but I imagine it’s fairly young.
My teen years followed, and I always had a ‘crush’. Whether it was someone in my class or the then new boyband One Direction. But I still never had a Valentine. I pined and hoped and wished that one day, I might get a card from an anonymous admirer, but I never did. It started to frustrate me and Valentine’s Day eventually made me feel sick.
Learning to Love Yourself
I don’t think it was a matter of turning round one day and accepting that love wasn’t the answer to life, because I still get very caught up on love. I’ve never been in love, but it’s not a source of pain anymore, just an exciting prospect. So exciting that I can’t keep off dating apps, or picturing someone writing a poem to me on the tube (I actually thought this was going to happen a few months ago).
So, it’s not a matter of changing. I think that’s key. I never wanted to change the fact that I love love, but I am aware that I occasionally need to have a bit of love for myself too.
Rather than putting all of my effort into finding someone who I can share my love with, I slowly began to realise that who better person to love than me? You are with yourself 24/7 whether you like it or not, so you may as well try to make it the best experience you can.
I am used to seeing people share posts about self-love and self-care, but I never fully understood what that meant until recently. Self-love isn’t just a bubble bath and a cup of tea (although it can be), self-love is also about being kind to yourself. I admit that I have looked in the mirror and never wanted to look in one again. I have cried because I didn’t complete a piece of work properly. I’ve battled with my brain asking ‘why am I like this?’. More recently I have tried to be kind to myself. Maybe it’s something to do with mind-set. But I’m not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do: I’m no expert. But being kind never hurt anyone, and maybe it’ll make you feel good.
Pandemic Loving
I think we can agree that Corona Virus essentially has been the shittest thing to happen in our lifetime. Collectively, it has been the worst time. But I don’t think that means that we shouldn’t learn from it. Never before have we had to experience this amount of solitude and isolation. We have had almost a year of living exclusively with ourselves.
As humans in the 21st Century, we constantly live life on the go. There’s no stopping for thought on most days. As a teacher, my brain is constantly thinking about other people, and when I do have some down time, I’m still finding distractions in my friends, my phone or a book. When did we ever have time to actually sit alone with our thoughts? I think that is why it is so easy to forget to be kind to ourselves. We might not give ourselves the attention we deserve because we feel as though there’s no point, but why shouldn’t your life be about you?
I have seen a lot of things on TikTok over this lockdown, but one thing I have noticed is the trend of self-love. There are some things that I have never thought of doing before that I am considering now. Having a conversation with yourself. Taking yourself on a date. Not waiting for other people to live YOUR life. If there’s one thing I have taken from this pandemic, it is that. Do not be embarrassed to enjoy yourself.
In the End
So, let’s get back to the main point. We’ve been living through a pandemic for almost a year now. Last Valentine’s Day was like any other for me: I was single and bored. Little did I know that just over a month later we would be beginning a year of self-isolation and restrictions. And a year later what have I learnt? Valentine’s Day is a day of love but it’s not restricted to love for other people. You should love yourself just as much as you could someone else, so why don’t we all spend some time doing something we love? Get a glass of wine, do a face pack, listen to some guilty pleasures or take some time to reflect.
And once you’ve started loving yourself, you’ll never want to stop.
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