Something that has been on my mind a lot recently is “when am I going to see my friends & family again?” I’ve been long-distance with my family & friends since I moved to Liverpool for university nearly 5 years ago (& my boyfriend for a period of time). And even though I definitely don’t see them all enough, the lockdowns have made it even more difficult.

So, I asked some lovely ladies that I know about their experiences of long-distance friendships – so, here are their stories.

Lauren & Charlotte wrote these for me a while ago – so a big sorry to them for only now getting round to creating this post!!

Lauren Mallin

“After trading my home city of Edinburgh to become an adopted Welshie in Cardiff, I have been living the long-distance friendship life for over 2 years now, and the one thing that has really struck me about the whole process is this: it is never what you expect it to be. You can make all the plans, hopes and dreams in the world, however nothing can really prepare you for entering any kind of relationship where distance is involved and what that truly means. Like everything, there are a lot of positives, but also some big hurdles that can be quite hard to get over. 

You Must Accept Their Lives Will Move on and So Will Yours

This will likely be the hardest factor to get your head around, and it can take time to accept. It may even bring denial. When you leave friends behind for pastures new, there will be a lot of “But we will still make sure we see each other all the time” or “Nothing will change”, however it is inevitable things will change. Now, I don’t mean your friendship is lost because that’s far from true, good friends are good friends regardless of where you are in the world, but ultimately life does go on. It might not be feasible for you to be there for every birthday/Christmas/regular get together. Your friend’s lives will progress, be it in their relationships or work which means they may not always be available to come visit you at a moment’s notice. But guess what, that’s ok because your life will progress too. This does not mean your friendship is over, it just takes on a new dynamic, and that’s what makes the next point so important…

Make the Most of The Time You Do Have Together

This can be both physical meet ups but also your messages and phone calls. The one thing I have found is that because I don’t see my friends on a regular basis, the time I do get with them is precious. We really make the most of our catch ups since they don’t happen as often as they used to and we always treat seeing each other as a special occasion – be it fancy drinks, a nice meal, a full weekend together; things we didn’t always do when we saw each other regularly. In terms of phone calls and messages, don’t be disparaged if your friends cannot be there at every beckon call: as mentioned before they are still living their day to day lives, which for many of us is already an exhausting juggle of work, studies, and family. It will likely be the same for you too. However, it is still important to reach out when you need each other, to celebrate the good times, rally round in the bad, and remember the important events, even if what would usually be a full afternoon face to face  catch up is now traded in for a half hour Zoom chat. It isn’t the amount of time you spend with a friend; it is the quality of time you spend with them. If anything, living apart from friends has made me value the relationships I have with them so much more and in my experience, it has only made those relationships stronger”.

Charlotte

“I have a long-distance friendship with Cerys, she is in Liverpool, England and I am in Crynant, South Wales. I am 23 and have known Cerys since I was 4. When she first went away for university, I was of course gutted but also excited for her. Over the past four/five years I have gotten used to her being away but there are moments where I truly wish she still lived round the corner and not 168 miles away. Sometimes when you’re not feeling yourself or just needing a chat it can be difficult to reach out because you have no idea what they are doing or whether they are free for a chat. We are lucky in the fact that we have a very relaxed friendship, there is no need for us to constantly be in touch for us to know that we are friends and that we are there for each other. So, we mainly text every now and again when we are free or when something exciting or important happens”.

Gemma

“Long distance friendships are the hardest, yet most rewarding relationships people could have. I sometimes struggle with long distance as I’m the type of person who loves spending time with people. I tend to miss people a lot and I sometimes find myself secluded, especially having all my friends in a different country.

Although I find myself secluded, I know that I’m not as if I messaged my long-term best friend, she’d reply, and she always manages to put a smile on my face. Having a best friend far away I think genuinely makes the heart grow fonder. You appreciate each other more and the memories you make are so much happier and more appreciated. It definitely has its positives & negatives but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When in a long-distance friendship, it’s true when people say the little things mean the most. Honestly, after even getting a text or a FaceTime you know it’s going to pick up your whole mood for the rest of the day. And even when you get to see them in person it means so much more, even if it’s just for a coffee and a chat. I’m forever grateful for mine! I know she’s not here in person, she’s always with me (even when I make bad decisions). I love her lots and I miss her even more!!”

 Tara

“I think the hardest thing about a long-distance friendship is the lack of spontaneity. You can’t drop by for a coffee or a wine when you need a chat or even a rant. If you want to see them in person it’s got to be organised, weeks, even months in advance. You need to book time off work and trying to see everyone sometimes seems impossible. There’s always someone who can’t make it. A 600-mile round trip isn’t something you can do every weekend!

I haven’t seen them in over a year, which is probably not much longer than if Covid wasn’t a thing. Lockdown however has brought in a weekly facetime which we never did before. It was always in the group chat so it’s nice to actually see their faces, even if it is through a screen. Not being able to travel to see each other has improved our communication when we aren’t together, even though we might not have even see each other anyway. So, I’m thankful for that”.

As you can see from all four of these stories, the most important part of any relationship is communication. If you don’t communicate with your friend how you’re feeling, how will they know? Long-distance can be hard work as you won’t know what your friend is doing, in the same way that you do know when they live close.

So, I thought I would write a list with some more times on how to help keep you long-distance friendship/relationship going.

• Make Time For Each Other – when you live close to someone it’s so easy to just pop round theirs for a quick cuppa. Obviously it’s not that easy when you’re living long distance, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. I love popping out for coffee with a friend, so for those long distance we arrange a time to jump on FaceTime and drink a cuppa together – the feeling of a coffee & a catch-up, but in the comfort of your own home.

• Remember That They Have Their Own Lives Too – life is busy, there’s no getting around that. So, please don’t think negatively of your friends if they don’t have time to catch-up with you as often as they used to. I have friends that I’ve gone months without speaking to, but when we’re reunited again it’s always like we’ve never been apart.

• Have Movie Nights – this is something that I discovered recently and I think it’s great!! On Disney+ you can stream movies at the same time with other people. If you and your friend FaceTime while doing this, it’ll be like you’re really together. My boyfriend and I have done this a few times when we’ve not been staying together, and it’s been lovely!

There are so many other ways to help keep long-distance friendships going, so please leave your suggestions in the comments below.

Cerys x

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